by T. Bullock
Diagnosed five years ago; two recurrences. Who said this cancer would grow slow?
A wake up call to be more aware,
To listen to my body. Take more diligent care.
Certainly easier said than done. I’m a caregiver 24/7 with barely the energy for fun.
Programmed for worry. The voices in my head telling me I don’t matter.
I dare not dream so my hopes don’t shatter.
Programmed for guilt; it weighs on me and holds me down. Feeling deeply the weight of everyone’s burdens, my fears and doubts begin to mound.
Treating this cancer has proven to be a challenge. It doesn’t respond to chemo.
We watch closely and check my numbers often. For the cure no one physician knows.
Struggling through hot flashes from surgery’s and medication. Listening to the oncologist with fear and trepidation.
Most day’s I feel I’m in a fog. Just eking out each day. Still I manage every day to make some time to pray.
I pray for my family. I pray for peace.
I ask for stillness when I need to release. I pray for those whose burdens I carry.
I pray that my negativity leaves in a hurry. I ask to accept what I know I can’t change. To live with intention so joy I might gain. Balancing the tightrope of sanity and fear.
Having been through so much but dear lord I’m still here. The line of despair trying desperately not to cross.
Yes, I’m still standing through cancer and loss.